Satisfying the Insatiable Desire for Perpetual Work Approval
In the realm of leadership, the need for validation can often cloud judgment and hinder effective decision-making. However, by adopting a few key strategies, leaders can foster self-trust and cultivate an authentic leadership presence.
Outstanding leaders thrive by paying attention to others rather than chasing external applause. They anchor their self-worth in internal conviction instead of fragile external validation[1]. Recognising that approval-seeking often stems from insecurity and fear of making unpopular decisions helps leaders confront these vulnerabilities to avoid paralysis and anxiety[1].
Regular self-reflection and honest assessment are crucial to changing patterns of approval-dependence. Practices such as asking oneself which outdated defenses are being relied upon, how emotions are expressed appropriately, and how honest self-perception is, are essential in this process[2].
Engaging with support systems that provide truthful feedback is another key strategy. Having peers, direct reports, or coaches who give candid and unvarnished feedback helps leaders metabolize criticism without defensiveness and fosters genuine growth[2][5].
Reframing internal narratives and gradually forming new habits aligned with leadership identity is also important. Leaders perform lasting behavioral change when they adopt new self-conceptions (e.g., "I am a leader who trusts my judgment") and reinforce these through consistent practice of related behaviors[5].
Accepting initial discomfort (cognitive friction) when trying new leadership behaviors, such as letting silence foster more team input rather than controlling discussions, supports the development of self-trust and authenticity[5].
The "so what?" test provides perspective and encourages leaders to focus on authentic decision-making. Before making crucial decisions, it's essential to review relevant information independently and develop a personal stance[3]. Implementing a 24-hour pause before responding to controversial issues or seeking reassurance gives time for reflection[4].
In summary, these strategies emphasize developing internal validation, cultivating self-awareness with feedback, embracing a growth mindset via reflection and change, and forming identity-consistent habits that replace approval-seeking tendencies with self-trust and authentic leadership presence[1][2][5]. Leaders who prioritize being liked over being effective risk diluting their impact. Organisations thrive when leaders make timely, confident decisions that align with shared goals. Regularly pausing to ask, "Am I doing this because it's right or to be liked?" fosters self-awareness and keeps decision-making authentic. Breaking the cycle of validation dependence involves conscious, structured actions. Keeping promises to oneself can help in making decisions based on one's reasoning and not just to please others.
- Embracing a growth mindset via regular self-reflection, personal and professional growth practices, and engaging with support systems that provide honest feedback assist leaders in breaking the cycle of validation dependence and fostering their authentic leadership presence.
- Cultivating self-trust by asking themselves tough questions about their patterns of approval-dependence, emotions, self-perception, and adopting new self-conceptions aligned with their leadership identity contribute significantly to the development of an authentic leadership presence that prioritizes effective decision-making over seeking external validation.
